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intheventofire

The collected works of Mr Neil D Campbell

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neil d campbell

Fires I helped to start…

inthevent4

No not real fires… we’re talking  about spiritual, metaphorical and technological fires… In other words crowd funding projects.

Here are some in which I have played a part.

https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/cinder-iphone-6-curved-9h-gorilla-glass-protector

Cinder was my  first success had it been up to the PR firm the company had hired Cinder would have been called Curve and probably lost forever in the Search Engine Jungle… I  came up with the name, the pitch, the video concept and even the script…

 

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1726375706/efoldi-tm-the-most-versatile-personal-electric-veh?token=3e951af2

Efoldie is a great invention; I  worked a lot on the project and wrote a lot of the copy on the website. The Kickstarter above was cancelled, but only because the government made a u-turn on their promise not to tax the vehicle as a mobility aid. It later went on to smash over £100k on another crowd funding site.

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1714346163/auravisor-virtual-reality-head-mounted-computer?token=bbd05b4a

I love the Aura Visor and it should be delivered any day  now. I had a hand in the name and the campaign and I can’t wait to see the finished version.

 

 

Captcha 22

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So I guess this is an open Letter to the folks that make these captcha landmines…

Before I start I want to say I understand why these things exist and I appreciate the work they do in saving me from Online Pharmacies, penis enlargers, Russian brides, and (never really) free I pads…

I just wish there were more ways round them for us special kids…

I have been stuck behind these diagrammatic nightmares for ten or twenty minutes before and the last thing you need after 30 minutes of data entry is a freaking hurdle. I don’t know what it is about these things.  In theory they are just simple pictorial puzzles, but in my mind they mostly look like those stupid 3d magic eye puzzles that were big in the 90’s and they only ever gave me headaches…

Now, I applaud the clever boffins who have added the Audio Captcha option, but some of us have been forced to learn our spelling phonetically, hidden away in our bedrooms terrified that someone will find out that we have problems reading… at least I did when I was younger.

My English teacher, who was what can only be described as a heartless black blooded witch, was completely unable to comprehend the fact that some words are not spelt the way they sound and therefore those of us forced to try fit the square peg in the round hole could never have used a dictionary to spell a word. She once belted me for my inability to  complete this simple task… I kept my head down after that…

The problem lies with phonemic awareness and if you have a problem with that then you’ll understand my issue….They call it a weakness, but come round my house for a game of scrabble or read any of my work and you’ll soon see that it can lead to a unique and interesting style and an unusually high vocabulary.  (Basically to avoid using words that we are unsure of how to spell, people like me will write themselves out of the corner in a thesauric display of literal splendidness.)

Anyway I’m getting off the track here… My point today is that as most of the world moves away from paper and on to the crystal clear retinal displays, we the dyslexics and co are going to get stuck behind these bloody indecypherable minefields… or worse yet we’ll just give up.

So… Dear Captcha, please can you make something on your devices that allows us left brainers to sneak past your little anagrammatical digital doors… Why not do little pictures? I could even draw you some. I mean sure eventually one’s mac book pro is going to get the logic to recognise a stick cow, but that’s years off. So until then, can we please have some indication that you are listening and want to help us get our downloads,  join those forums, or pay our bills. We’re not stupid, in fact think of us as Supermen and your little gatekeepers as kryptonite.*

*mental note funny how I can spell kryptonite first time, but I can never work out how many R’s there are in around…

PS. Please consider putting a little button on your captchas along the lines of…  “Having Problems with this Captcha? Are you dyslexic?” and then maybe a relevant link?

Anyway rant over…

Look Mr and Mrs Captcha my own version and you can use it for free!

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p.p.s. it’s a cow

Why Me?

So you need a writer? Well before you go rushing off to the intern… I’d like a word in your shell like…

Ask yourself what is the purpose? What am I trying to achieve? Why should I choose Neil D Campbell and what’s his angle?

Well… since you asked, here are some approaches we could take…

Emotive – Do you need text that puts your readers on a talcum powder beach and, while they enjoy that corn flour feeling between their toes, slaps a mojito down in front of them so minty they’ll feel like they’ve just brushed their teeth?

The Sound of Inevitability  – We all know this one, it’s the first five minutes of Casualty. There’s a bucket of ice water on the side of the path by the electric fence. There’s a spooked horse on the tow path and a child on their shiny new red bike.  Some how they’re going to collide, but when and how?  Well settle down and clunk click.

Tales of the Unexpected – You know something’s wrong with Denmark and the more you read the more twisted things get. Did you miss a clue and then suddenly when you think you’ve got it in the bag… Blam! Killer Squirrels!

Metaphor Shower – It’s subtle like a slice of lemon in your glass of cola. But the more you drink the closer you get to the twang and before you know it… you knew it all along,

Simply Marvellous Marketing – Power packed no holds barred astonishing punches thrown with precision and perfect planning.  Welcome to the wonderful colourful world of comic book text, where only the strongest Adjectives survive. And Whammy! You’ve got the girl add saved the world.

The Long Haul – sometimes there ain’t any easy way out.  Occasionally you know that you’ll need to keep your readers engaged for the duration. Perhaps it’s more A to Z than A to B. If there is no short cuts then You’ll need someone who can keep the snare tight and the bait sweet did I ever tell you about The Dark Design?

I am a writer of all trades and to date I have enjoyed a career as a travel writer, a published songwriter, I’ve written a 117k word novel, a ton of blurbs for websites,  articles for loads of publications , geek chic blog and even a rock opera… So basically, if you want something written and written well then I am your man.

If it had been a hand grenade then we might have been in trouble…

It’s taken me hours to get this thing running , well, when I say hours… I mean minutes ticking boxes and hours scouring my hard drive and then procrastinating and photoshopping a bazillion megabytes of piccies looking for the face of INTHEVENTOFIRE…

So….I thought maybe it might be fun to run with a post of the near misses… Those which didn’t quite get to be the cover girl, pin-up princess…

 

I begin with…

This is a shot I took for an article I wrote for the Chap Magazine about Steam Punk… It’s a great shot , but it doesn’t say a lot about my writing…

This one was for a story on the Brighton Wheel and whilst it demonstrates my awesome skill with Tilt-shift (left click  tilt shift… et voila…) it doesn’t say INTHEVENTOFIRE!

And this one, despite looking like someone is a about to be strung up on a willow tree, is actually from the Lewes fire festival… but I had to ask myself, is the first impression I want to give folks of my lovely new blog the subtle suggestion of white supremacy? the answer by the way google search engine is no!

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